'It's incredible that a sentence is ever understood.  Mere sounds strung together by some agent attempting to mean something, but the meaning need not and does not confine to that intention.  Those sounds, strung as they are in their peculiar and particular order, never change, but do nothing but change.'  from Erasure by Percival Everett

How I agree with him!  It is a concept that I struggle to understand, one that I am forcing myself to remember as I communicate with peopel who have been made differently from me by God, who allows, I believe even enjoys, varieties!

It's all coming out....All these things that I have been complaining about my boss, about work...it's all now becoming clear that God is in control!  I soooo need to learn to trust Him more, so that next time I don't try to sort things out in my way when things don't go 'in my favor'!  I somehow still expect things to go 'well' for me just because I am a Christian!

I love trying all these different colours!!

I can't gather my thoughts to pray to God, to pray for my dear sisters in Christ and friends who are now suffering in one way or another. 

One question has been bugging me ever since Clare (my manager) asked me to stay for another year as a technician and said that she didn't think I am ready to do a PhD yet.  Am I really not ready to do a PhD??  Or is it that I haven't been given opportunities to show that I can take initiatives (come on, what initiatives can you have about washing up beakers!)?

George (my colleague) came to me to tell me how unfair she felt for me about the situation (she is one sweet girl!).  That got me to think more deeply into this issue.  Yes, I am a bit upset - I have basically been told that I am not good enough.  But if you think about it logically, I shouldn't be upset, because I haven't lost an opportunity to study for a PhD, since even if she had offered me a place for PhD, I would have turned it down (there is no way that I would stay there for another year, let alone 3 years!).  So, I am not at lost at all.  Why am I upset?  Because I want people to think that I am good at what I do.  But my worth does not base on people's opinion of me!  God, and God alone, determines my worth - and Jesus paying for my life with His life says it all. 

So, what are the questions that I should ask? 

1. Has God actually given me the ability to study for a PhD?  I shouldn't think I am better than I really am.  And it's fine if God hasn't given me the ability, because He loves me just as much and that's all that matters!

2. Have I been a good steward of the 'talents' that He has given me?  

.....

Just spoke to Michelle C on the phone, she gave me a piece of excellent advice!  I should just ask Clare what I can improve on!  Michelle said some very wise words - first of all, it's about personal development, so just be humble and ask what I can do better; secondly, perhaps through asking, Clare would understand the nature of my post more (that it doesn't offer me opportunity for taking initiatives, if that's the case); thirdly, people are often not neutral, that perhaps she has her own agenda (which I'd of course like to think is the case!).  Thank you Michelle!

Most of all, I thank God.  For He has put me into this situation to know myself better and to see the work that He has done in my life.

Our house just had a prayer meeting.  I am just so overwhelmed by my housemates' desire to walk in the way of God.  They have made living for God 'the normal thing to do' in this unbelieving world.  Thank you guys!